Weeding Our Relationship Garden
Last week was filled with major shifts, shakes, and holidays, with Passover (Pesach), Good Friday and Easter Sunday, and a full moon in Libra, we certainly had our hands full. With all of these things, there is a definite vibe—release. Freedom from constraints and bad behaviors, be they Earthly, spiritual, or astrological, the message from the universe is definitely “Dig it out and Let it Go.”
In life, and especially in relationships, we tend to pick up some dirty little habits. Whether it’s baggage from a past relationship, our own bad behavior in fights, jealousy issues, boundary bouncing, or codependency, things in our relationships can get a little messy.
Or perhaps it’s not something we do, but something we don’t do. Maybe we don’t stand up for ourselves, hold boundaries, say what we mean, address the red flags, etc. We pick up many bad little habits along the relationship trail but now is the time to address them. There’s no shame in the game, we all fall into relationship patterns sometimes. Our bad behavior may work for us in one relationship, so we drag it into another. Or we may have picked up some bad habits from previous partners, or perhaps we have been so focused on the behavior of our partners and their desired traits, we have never stopped to take a look at what we might be bringing to the relationship table.
It happens. In fact, often, we tend to think of self-work as coming with an end date. “Ok I had this problem, I did this thing, and Voila! All better. All done.” The reality, however, is our self-work is ongoing, never-ending. There is always another layer, another tweak, another improvement. Not to make it sound Sisyphean in nature, it simply means as we go along in life, we may gather new information and insight that helps us develop ourselves in a deeper way. Or perhaps we change partners, and it changes our perspective. New light is shone on a behavior we may never have noticed before.
Find The Weeds
So, the work is never done, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be fun! Think of it like weeding a garden. Yes, weeding may be a somewhat mundane task, but just think of how beautiful those blooming flowers are as a result. Isn’t the end result worth the bit of work you have to put in? So, let’s get to work! This week we have the help of Venus, the planet of love, moving into Gemini the sign of communication. Gemini is also the sign of the twins, meaning it has a unique ability to see things from both sides, it can look at a situation from all perspectives. Which is exactly what we are trying to do here. We want to take a birds-eye view, or perhaps see through our partner’s eyes, as to what behaviors we want to bring with us into the future of the relationship, and which ones we can leave with our old selves, safely in the past. As Venus transitions this week, I also encourage you once you have gotten to the root of some of the bad behavior problems, to express them to your partner, or if you are single, tell them to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist, maybe even say them out loud to yourself! Acknowledge their existence and use the help of your weekly
- What is my least healthy behavior in relationships?
- What are three behaviors I want to let go of in relationships?
- What are three things I can do differently?
- What are three positive habits I can replace the negative ones with?
- How can I implement those changes this week?
I know it may be tempting to dial up an ex to get a poll of previous relationship behavior, but may I recommend against this. Often our exes are not the greatest source of unbiased information and despite your well-intentioned search for the truth, their motives may not be as pure. So, let’s leave them out of this. If you feel you are getting stuck, you can start by journaling out the biggest problems in your previous relationships, including the ones that led to the end of the relationship.
Do you see any patterns on your end? Similar fights or types of relationship fallouts? You could also check in with a trusted friend who has seen you in multiple relationships or hash it all out with a therapist. Therapists are pretty adept at picking up patterns and they are a great neutral source of unbiased information.
I know it can be tempting to go to a previous relationship source for information but remember this, relationships are ultimately mirrors. They are there to help us discover things about ourselves, so really the themes and patterns, are ours to locate and have far more to do with us than the other person. So put on your cute old Southern lady gardening hat and get started. Dig deep for the patterns and once you find them, start weeding them from your relationship garden. Once you do, you will see your life and your relationships, really start to bloom.
Happy star surfing!
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